Re: Session


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the midst of a recession and England goes bezerk with looting and pillaging in several major cities.  The complaint: “We are skint.”

Not to put too fine a point on it, me too.  And they only thing I’ve robbed this week is my son’s piggy bank for some bus fayre.  Don’t judge me… he owes me big time for years (and years) of service that started even before he was born.  There are things that no ‘don’t touch-my-sides-it-tickles-and-I’ll-fart’ back massages, Slimfast ‘shake-so-much-cos-you’re-starving’ diets or pelvic ‘don’t-soak-the-floor-when-you-laugh’ exercises have managed to fix and the kids are paying for it now.  In two pence pieces, damn them!  I’m pretty sure they run to hide the shiny stuff the moment they see me checking the sofa bank for dropped lose change.

My son's piggy bank would like me to point out this is not my son's piggy bank

People may think it’s a financially hard life raising five children.  Not true.  Five children means five piggy banks to raid on skint days and three teenagers means triple Irn Bru bottle returners. Cha-ching!  Anyhoo, we’re rich in love. (Hey, they read this).

But don’t feel sorry for them because while they are on these long summer holidays from school, I’ve been paying them small sums for everything to keep them amused and me distraction free.  Gardening, ironing, dusting, their silence… And my daughter even has a protection racket going with her big brother, whereby she tidies his room so I don’t kill him for the mess and he pays her with some of the money I just gave him for doing it.  Everyone of them an entrepreneur and shyster!

Poignant tweet of the week from me: “Just been for weeks supplies with my last £70. Got carrots, potatoes and petrol.”  This was very nearly true.  £70 has filled the very back row of my cupboards and one shelf in the fridge.  There’s currently a huge pot of soup on the stove to last all week and we’re forced to share showers.  At least, that’s what I’m making him think.. (shhh! It’s romantic; even if you can only keep one cheek warm at a time) 😉

The Luteing joke - which has been done and will be done again no doubt

The wave of highly sympathetic replies from other Mum’s after said tweet proved to me what the majority of decent folk know: we are ALL skint just now.  Except the Scottish couple that just scooped the biggest win ever in the Euromillions draw. Who strangely haven’t answered ANY of my letters…

So stop looting.  Unless you’re a baroque session musician.. If so, as you were!

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2 thoughts on “Re: Session”

  1. Love yaer Patter Hen.

    Having attempted to grow up in Bearsden I miss the Glasgow patter and Glasgow Morning rolls disguised as a bacon buttie.

    Thanks for following me on Twitter as ArtistDouglasG

    Douglas Gordon

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