ANNOUNCEMENT: Four weeks today my debut comedy novel, The New Mrs D, will be published. On Independence Day, which is sort of fitting, as that is what it has turned out to be for me – a twelve times rejected author.
You can read pre-order the book now on Amazon HERE
So, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my protagonist, Bernice Dando – a lady who, unbelievably, marries a man knowing full well he has a history of porn addiction and who is the most accident prone and socially awkward/borderline embarrassing person you’ll ever meet.
Or, is she?
Regular readers of my blog will be screaming a resounding ‘NO’.
Who do I know that was labelled ‘Calamity Jane’ by her father?
Who, pregnant with her first child, was reading the label on a bottle of iron tablets and went around asking everyone at her very serious office of work what ‘stools’ were? ‘It say’s “may darken stools”. What are stools?’ PS She really wishes this bit wasn’t true and would like to announce that she knows what they are now. PPS Iron tablets are absolutely USELESS as a wood stain, incidentally.
Who once found a cow in her garden and launched a bag of rubbish at it in alarm? PS the links are the clue…
Who, deciding that reaching the age of forty was the time to START getting fit, took her first trip to the gym and fell spectacularly off the treadmill in an episode worthy of a You’ve Been Framed audition?
Who, on a job interview at a very posh-don’t-you-know Art Gallery, answered, ‘isn’t he that actor bloke from Bread?’ when asked if she knew who Peter Howse was?
Who, on a recent whisky tour of Islay, managed to get lost in, then followed round and out of a Woollen Mill by the proprietor’s elderly dog after being warned, ‘please don’t let him come downstairs, he’s very frail.’?
I could go on and on and on; but, knowing me, I’d fall off.
And so, to you my dear reader, (are you still here?) I’m wondering what has happened to YOU on your Mrs D days?
Every day now, for the next 28 days leading up to The New Mrs D’s release I am going to ask this question and wait for your replies, either on here on Twitter or on Facebook. On my publication day – THE FOURTH OF JULY – (she hinted) – I will share the funniest ones in a blog post dedicated to all of you.
IN ANOTHER EXCITING DEVELOPMENT I HAVE DECIDED TO GIVE AWAY A FREE ADVANCED READER eBOOK COPY A WEEK TO THE PERSON THAT MADE ME LAUGH THE MOST.*
*OFFER ENDS 3rd JULY 2014*
So, hoping I don’t learn I am actually completely alone and get 28 days of radio silence, here is the question:
What is the most embarrassing thing you have done?
– There will be points deducted for putting ‘read this blog post’. 😉
And, as you might expect, I have countless tales to tell. But I’ve managed to pick one to get you started:
The Case of the Disappearing Moustache – how do you plead?
AS a younger whippersnapper, I worked as an auxiliary nurse on a coronary care unit and was sent by the ward Sister to give a coma patient a wash and shave. I noted said gentleman had a rather scruffy, Hitler-esque moustache, so, tutting at the shoddy, uncaring workmanship of the previous day’s staff, I carefully and methodically set about giving the poor man a clean shave. There, that’s better.
The next morning I was summoned to the ward Sister’s office to explain to relatives where the patient’s FIFTY YEAR OLD moustache had gone.
NB luckily, they saw the funny side…
And now, over to you 🙂 I hope you will share your own stories below.
REVIEWERS – I will happily send an advance reader copy of THE NEW MRS D to any bloggers/book reviewers in exchange for an HONEST review.
Please email me at email@example.com if you would like one.
I got my first, (sort of) one today. Thanks FLEUR FERRIS