You may think the invisibility cloak is an object that was dreamed up by JK Rowling in a small coffee shop in Edinburgh. Think again. For I, dear reader, have at least half a dozen of these in my HOUSE. And, even more amazingly, I have discovered that I have a superpower – I am a ‘Seer’. I alone can see through them! Observe the cloaks that I discovered dotted around only this morning. Note, I have moved the cloaks aside for you so you can see the items that would be lost forever if I didn’t have ‘the gift’.
1. The Bathroom Floor Invisibility Cloak
Drapes itself around the wash hand basin, thrusting wet towels into non-existence to the minds of teenagers; their sudden vapourisation missed by eyes full of soap from a morning shower. There are two cloaks in our bathroom; the other is draped over a little known object, believed by young adults to be the stuff of myths and legends. It is called ‘the towel rail’.
2. The Empty Toilet Roll Invisibility Cloak.
Cunningly throws itself over empty cardboard rolls after the roll has miraculously – and unusually – been replaced by someone other than ‘The Seer’. These hidden rolls may at some give up on life and dive off into the rubbish basket below. Or end up glued to a Cornflake packet for a school project.
This is a particularly nasty cloak, hiding empty packets and bottles from the much in need of feeding litter bin just FIVE Inches away. Thank goodness The Seer is here. As you can see, entire toiletry bags can also disappear under this one, while the numerous bathroom cabinets – almost directly below – are left wondering the age old question: ‘why am I here?’
4. The Recycle Bin Starver Cloak
Quite often I walk into my kitchen in the morning, stare at what’s on offer on the breakfast bar and declare: ‘what a load of rubbish!’ This cloak takes all waste not suitable for the regular kitchen bin and hugs it tightly for days at a time, saying, ‘I really love you, empty bottles and egg boxes. Don’t ever leave me for that blue wheelie bin. You know, the one that lives a few steps away outside.’ If this house had no Seer, we’d all be knee deep in milk cartons before you could say, ‘hey, an Eggs Box One!’
5. The ‘Anything That Falls on the Floor is Mine’ Cloak.
A newspaper, a sock, an empty crisp packet, toenail clippings and a few bogies which are caught and cloaked in mid air – no absentmindedly dropped item escapes the affectionately named, ATFOTFIM. Although, this one does have a fight on its hands if said article is edible, thanks to the invention of pet dogs…
Who lives in a house like this? Are you a seer? Is your home full of invisibility cloaks? What on earth is lurking under them?
Answers on an absentmindedly discarded postcard please… or tweet them using the hashtag #itsamumderfullife