Tag Archives: book marketing

Feel The Fear… and Write it Anyway

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When you want something; really, really want something, where do you begin in getting close to it? My own answer: “Build it, and they will come.”

I live in a beautiful, rented house in Scotland which was the very thing that drove me to write. Seven years ago our landlord decided she wanted to sell it, my husband and I wanted to buy it, yet it was (and still is) way out of our price range and we knew one of us would have to do something extraordinary in order to make it our own. Then our landlord agreed to let us stay until we could, however long that might take.

Sundown in 'Field'.
Sundown in Field

Behind our beloved house is an empty field, owned by our landlord, and every day I take the dogs up there to let them run about free, turning around to look back down over the roof of our home and tell myself again that one day we WILL own it. That is, the whole house, not just the roof. But there are other things I have been telling my landlord’s field.

‘I’m going to write a book,’ I said on a Monday. On a Friday, two years later, I finished it.

‘I’m going to get an agent for this book,’ I told the sky above the landlord’s field several fine, summer mornings in a row. Just six weeks later, on a fine summer morning that found me trudging around Kilmartin Glen, I got an email from an agent asking to meet with me. I signed with her less than a month later.

‘I’M GOING TO GET A PUBLISHER FOR THIS BOOK!’

I shouted this on a pretty windy afternoon in the field that will one day be mine, red-faced and bubbling after the last of a stream of publisher rejections came through. I even shook my fist for emphasis; well, you never know when the Universe needs a bit of sheer grit and anger to get your point across. Just over a year later, I signed to a small press.

‘I’m going to be a best-selling author, Field.’

Okay, I didn’t say ‘Field’, but I love that bit in Shirley Valentine where she talks to the wall, addressing it as ‘Wall’. Right from the off, ‘The New Mrs D’ became a best seller; but not one of those fancy ‘million’ or ‘New York Times’ ones. It’s an Amazon best seller, which all authors know isn’t necessarily going to help anyone buy their house.

‘I’m going to see my name and my writing in one of my favourite publications.’

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Psychologies Magazine (UK), September 2015 edition.

Tadahhh!

‘I’m going to sell a million books!’

Wait… what?

This is the one I’ve been telling Field for around a year now. It’s a toughie, because a year on I’m nearer to the mark of buying a million books than I am to selling them. I didn’t even make one ‘Best Chicklit Books of 2015’ list to give me a sales boost. No one hailed my book as a ‘Top Ten Beach Read of 2015’ even after I’ve spent a lot of time asking the bloggers and journalists that make these lists for reviews. Many have gladly helped; many, many more have never replied. And as British summertime comes to a close, after allegedly having started in the first place, (has anyone had a postcard from the sun?), the beach reads lists are becoming less relevant. It seems the Field of Dreams has hit a stumbling block in the race for me to write my landlord a fat cheque.

metaphor
Line from ‘I Hate That You Bloody Left Me.’

So I better get on with the business of finishing my next book, ‘I Hate That You Bloody Left Me’, which is in edits right now.

And everyday I’m still out standing in my field, (you knew I was going to go there with that corny line, right?), watching my dogs roll around in fox poo while I say out loud what I’m going to do with my life.

Who is this nobody shouting at fields and having the audacity to write about selling a million books? Does the fear grab you when you even dare to think about doing that? This is my point. Fears can stop you reaching, and reaching is necessary if you’re going to catch that bonus ball. Let me list some common writerly fears for you:

  1. What if I can’t write as well as I think I can?
  2. What if people laugh at my efforts and I make a fool of myself?
  3. What if no one wants to read my work?
  4. What if people do want to read it and then they hate it?
  5. What if nobody buys it?
  6. What if I get some terrible reviews?
    And the main one:
  7. What if I fail?

Read all of those fears again and imagine they all happened. Now, where in the world are you? Has the absolute worst thing that can happen to a person happened to you?

What if you don’t fail?

I had all of these fears at the beginning but I’ve met them now, and they weren’t nearly as ugly as I thought they would be. I get to say I stood up, took my turn and I tried.

Perhaps you scoff at the idea of thinking and believing yourself to success. If you happen to be an author on Twitter, you might have your own ideas for sales success. Well, let me take this opportunity to tell you this: how many books did you buy after clicking a link in a tweet from a fellow author? This should tell you what works and what doesn’t when it comes to selling yourself.

Asking the entire world to buy won’t always make them buy. Daring to tell yourself out loud you are going to sell drives you, at the very least, to work harder for it. Much harder than spending your time spewing out the kind of tweets that will make your followers mute you. Think hard about where you want to be, say it out loud and watch the answers begin to arrive.

So, I’ll race you to the finish line, oh book link tweeting author. Two hundred and forty ‘buy my book’ tweets in your timeline against two hundred and forty days of asking my future field to make the masses buy a million of my books. Because I do believe there is some truth in this ‘ask and you will receive’ thing. If you dare to make yourself want something enough, you will continue to focus on it until finally, it becomes yours. Not by chance or mystical, universal intervention; by sheer hard work, persistence and a great big dollop of belief. What I’ve found is that shouting out loud about what you want also helps drive away fear; the very thing that holds many of us back when it comes to reaching for something we want. Shout at the fear. Don’t be afraid to tell yourself outside of your head that you are going to do this and be specific about it. Just make sure you’re listening when you do.

Be specific; that’s the ticket right there. On reflection, I’ve got a new request for my pal, Field:

‘I’m going to sell a million books. But listen, I’d like this to be before I die, if you don’t mind?’

Tony-Robbins

Update for Toni Betzner – this is the house:-


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A Folder Called ‘Bollocks’ – Why Authors Should NEVER Respond to Reviews

Regular readers of my blog may recall I celebrated the much anticipated landing of my first one star review as an author, with a light-hearted blog post and a nod to fellow authors to try not to take them too seriously.

In the last month I have seen a few knee-jerk reactions to scathing reviews and am almost always saddened, especially when I find one very talented author I greatly respect saying, ‘I just feel like giving up’. But today I began to read this response to a book review from an author on Goodreads, and found I couldn’t read on. To say it felt like watching car crash TV was an understatement.

The first and most obvious thing that occurs to me here is how the author has succeeded in spending what must have been hours alienating a community of book lovers he will have spent hundreds more writer hours trying to reach – 131 of whom ended up liking the bad review even though I suspect many hadn’t read the book. But also, I mourn for the time lost when this author should have been doing what he clearly feels he was put on this earth to do – some actual novel writing.

I am now indoctrinated in to the world of book publication with a few bad reviews of my own. I say a few, because I haven’t counted and have stopped reading them, particularly on Goodreads, where I find they can be at their most brutal for almost all authors I have read and loved. I made a conscious decisions to quit doubting my ability to write when it became clear that the good reviews far outweighed the bad for my debut novel; only if the opposite had been true was I going to allow doubt to sink in. Only then would I question whether I was in the right vocation, which is just as well because I cannot imagine ever doing anything else. I don’t dwell on bad reviews because that would stop me from working and almost certainly stifle me creatively. I only recall my first on Amazon, for the fact that it was the first, and the last one I was gifted with on Amazon UK, because it stayed at the top of my reviews list for what felt like an age after being posted on the very day of the release of my paperback from my new publisher:

one star reviews

I don’t mind sharing it and have spared outing the writer by blanking out her name. It’s not important; nobody died and everyone is entitled to not like my book. I have very good friends and relatives who I know would not like, ‘The New Mrs D’, yet they remain good friends and the rest can’t do anything about being related to me. The review here only became a momentary annoyance for me because this was the day of my traditional publication. Would this person’s thoughts affect my sales? My livelihood? With hindsight though, I think not.

There is always going to be the understandable worry that in trashing your work the reviewer has affected your business and, more annoyingly, without a second thought. It can also be painful to know someone hated your book – not you, remember, your book – enough to feel the need to try and put everyone off buying it. Okay, it hurts. So if you need to, take a few seconds to acknowledge that then move on. But don’t respond. Don’t, don’t… just don’t.

Writing is a business and vendors on sites like Amazon, Google+ and Trip Advisor are always answering bad reviews, because it is considered good for business for them to state their side of the story. If an author does so, it is up for sharing across social media and blogs as a lesson to us all. So think of this from the point of view as a consumer.

As an occasional frequenter of hotels, I would worry about bad reviews but feel heartened to see the hotelier acknowledge the complaint, accept its relevance or explain how it may have been inaccurate and suggest ways forward for change and improvement. As a reader, I have pretty much decided on whether or not I’m going to buy a book after a recommendation, reading the blurb and briefly glancing at the ratio of good reviews to bad. One ‘this is tripe’ among sixty ‘I loved it’ comments isn’t going to stop me visiting Paypal for another ‘buy it now’ trip. (Nobody tell my husband, okay?)

I have thought this way about reviews since day one of my decision to publish, but I understand more than ever why no author should go down the road of responding to reviews after reading the Goodreads thread above today, which is why I have brought the incident to my blog, not as a seasoned pro with twenty published novels, but as a new writer looking in, sucking in my cheeks like a plumber about to give you a very large quote for your leaky boiler and saying, ‘ooh no, don’t go there. Please.’.

Read it and weep. Answering bad reviews is a waste of your valuable, creative time and readers are always telling us they are rarely swayed from buying a book by the appearance of a couple of stinking reviews.

Yes, it is early days for me and no, I haven’t suffered the joys of a scathing public review yet. But I know this much: if and when that day arrives it will be because I made it to a place that was beyond my wildest imagination when I first set out to write a book. Maybe I might need to come back to this post to remind myself where my head was today when dealing with this. I think we all need a nudge from time to time because writing is hard and putting your work out publically feels beyond scary. But I want to write and if you’re still here this far down, I suspect you do too. Enjoy it as much as you can. Hell, why can’t we have some fun with our poor reviews? I even stuck one of my most cutting ones in the middle of a marketing video for a Kindle promotion I ran last year:

Think on, writer pals, think on. If I’ve learned anything in the five short years since I set out to chase my ambitions it’s this: With inordinate passion for writing comes inordinate rejection and criticism. If this succeeds in making you quit, then perhaps you’re not supposed to be a writer. And if you are supposed to be a writer, focus on the parts you love; all the things that bring you to your writing desk each day. And file every ill-thought out, scathing review you happen upon in a mental folder called, ‘bollocks’.

Book Marketing Tactics You May NOT Have Considered

I’d like to apologise in advance because this is a MUCH longer blog post than I usually prefer. I don’t know about you, but I like the kind of blog I can jump in and out of, coming away with my will to live intact and plenty of time to work for the rest of the day. I also prefer to blog about life and comedy, but after my 29,000 Downloads Later blog, I’ve had so many writers asking for more information on my marketing tactics I felt I must do at least one post in a War & Peace style-e.

Forgive me *Clears throat*

You can find a lot of tips online, just by Googling ‘book marketing tactics’, yet what I’ve noticed is a lot of the advice given is the same. So I’d like to take this opportunity to try and pinpoint some you might not have considered.

Largely, this entire post is around the less obvious SEO tactics for Authors. How many of you are making that SEO work for you when it comes to marketing your book? Do you think this is a) way too complex or b) just for businesses?

Well, have you seen how many new authors there are out there? You ARE a business and you have a world of competition to keep up with.

SEO, for those that don’t know, stands for ‘search engine optimisation’ and it isn’t as hard as some people would have you believe. ‘Some people’ being those that would want to sell you their advice and guidance on the matter. Not that I wouldn’t LOVE some professional help (I know, I need it, right?) but it really isn’t all that hard to do at least some basics for yourself, for free.

In short, SEO optimisation is about finding search terms that you think the general public would use to find your book and using these terms in everything you post. You don’t have to put it in your text, although it occasionally helps to, but in your article tags and social hashtags.

Take my own writer genre for instance. I would guess people looking to read a book like mine would search for ‘women’s fiction’ ‘comedy author’ ‘comedy novel’ ‘chick lit’ or, if you are anywhere outside of the UK, ‘British Chick lit’.

If you Google ‘women’s fiction’ or ‘comedy author’ then click on the videos tab, you will find me – a commercially unknown, British Chick Lit, women’s fiction, comedy author and writer of a comedy novel – scattered throughout your search results. (See what I did there?).

And, you can see how this would get annoying if you posted like this in every blog post. But one isn’t going to hurt your readership. She hopes….

You can throw your keywords in casually every now and again, but don’t try to be clever or go for (comedy novel) irrelevant to subject matter, (women’s fiction) subliminal messages (British Chick Lit) which would annoy the heck out of (comedy author) anybody!

I’m going it alone with what I have read online so far, and thought I had only conquered SEO mastery with YouTube, but visits to this website have increased threefold recently. Not that you’re all buying a book, but more people seem to know who I am these days. I am building my brand. Although you might not like my particular style of comedy novel, I may well surprise you with ‘The New War and Peace’ at a future date, therefore snagging that more literary sale from you later. 😀

Bottom Line:

1) Think about what your target audience would Google in order to find you and your books. Then, make a list of those words and phrases and use them in EVERYTHING you post. Blogs, social media posts, YouTube videos, everything. You are aiming to make Google see you as an expert in your chosen subject therefore, pushing you up in search rankings. And social media posts DO count – even more so now than ever before.

2) Get a Google+ account. Yes, I know it feels a bit like a graveyard full of people simply there to sell not buy, but it is one of the best places to post your keywords for Google ranking and it is linked to YouTube. Double the value!

3) Get a Pinterest Account. I am still working on mastering this one myself, but Pinterest has been one of the fastest growing social networks TO DATE and the great thing about this site is that, unlike most other social networks, people on there are actively seeking things to buy and sharing what they themselves like to buy. It’s like scrap-booking online. You can easily find your target audience here because people are sharing pictures of their favourite books. Find those accounts pinning books in your genre or even fans of authors you think your work is similar too and connect with them. You can invite them to pin to your boards and even send pins to people if they are following you back.

Let me help you start out – if you’d like an invite to pin to THIS board connect to me on Pinterest and leave a comment below so I can connect to you and send the invite. As I said, I am just finding my way on Pinterest so the board isn’t that old and doesn’t have any other pinners at the moment but it does have 248 followers, which is a start. Let’s get that Pinterest marketing moving together! There are enough hungry for content readers out there for all of us.

4) Get an Instagram Account! Instagram is another network where people are happily sharing their interests, particularly when it comes to books. Its users are looking for recommends and love nothing more than to link with like-minded people. As with Pinterest, search for lovers of books in your genre and followers of more famous people you think you are a lot like. So, for me, I would look for fans of Claudia Schiffer of course 😉 What do you mean ‘dream on?’

And you need to get hashtag savvy here. You want to use hashtags in your posts and also search them to find people to connect with. Don’t think for one minute this is not worthy of your precious time. You are going to find active, book-loving people in your target audience instead of sitting at home waiting for them to find you! Reach out.

For instance, a kindly US review website compared my work to one of my writer heroes, Jane Green. Not only is the lovely Jane ON Instagram herself, but there are heaps of people posting pictures of her books with the #janegreen hashtag. Now, all I have to do is search this hashtag, follow people posting about her and her books and chat to them because I already know they have my taste in great books and my sense of humour. The aim isn’t to sell, sell, sell, it is to converse and yes, why not, make friends. I love Instagram because I can connect to my lovely readers there and am building a fantastic, supportive little community of people that think like me and love all the things I love. The beauty of Instagram is ease of use and a conversational thread that I think is easier for everyone to follow than on Twitter.  And you can use it to share pictures from your day on your smartphone while going about your day or walking the dog. *CLICK* ‘Look everyone, a pretty tree… oh, that he’s just cocked his leg up.’  It really is THAT simple.

Here’s a great list of author hashtags to get you started. And no, you don’t need to use all of them. You will soon find the ones that work for you, just give it time. You’ll find me there as @hell4heather – taking people shopping with me, sharing photos of my grandson, things that make me laugh and sharing occasional news about my book. You don’t have to plug, plug, plug. Let your real personality shine through. I kid you not, I once sold four books in an evening just through chatting to a couple of fellow Instagrammers, without once asking them to buy it and having no outwardly promotional intention while I was chatting to them. I enjoy Instagram and I love chatting to people! If I can sell a few books by just being me, I’m happy and it is worthy of an hour of my time a couple of times a week.

Remember, the Amazon website is a search engine too. Use your keywords OFTEN in your book description and research the seven keywords Amazon gives you for your listing, watching your placement for each one and altering them from time to time to try and stay visible. I could write a lot on this, but I won’t – Amazon have done it for you HERE

Sounds exhausting, right? For me, it doesn’t feel so bad because this is my chosen career and I’m very bloody serious about it. I am NOT a million best seller, but I’ve kept my book in an Amazon bestsellers list since my KDP free promotion in December last year and have regular sales – not always huge – but regular. I’m building brand awareness just like any online business should be trying to. This is what YOU have to think of yourself as – a BRAND that needs to build an online presence. It’s very much the long game and may feel tiresome, but a good campaign can keep you writing for years to come and also attract publisher interest if that is your wish. I read all the time how publishers love to see authors who are clearly working extra hard on their own branding.

But back to that free KDP promotion. Lots of people asked about the gigs I used on Fiverr.com for marketing mine. There were only two that I could say for sure really helped:

https://www.fiverr.com/facebookprogig/promote-your-amazon-kindle-book-with-real-uk-usa-book-lovers-to-200000-members?funnel=201501071454174808500000

and

https://www.fiverr.com/kindlepromoter/submit-your-kindle-book-to-30-top-kdp-promotion-websites?funnel=201501071455427078500000

And lastly, I went to the Author Marketing Club website and submitted links to as many of the sites on this page as I could find myself:

http://authormarketingclub.com/members/submit-your-book/

I hope you’re still here and still feeling positive.  It isn’t supposed to be fun I guess, but why not try to have some fun with it? Mix up your marketing and get creative with it. Turn that one star review that made you weep back on to itself, with a light-hearted, $5 Fiverr.com gig video like this one:

Try not to be afraid. Put out lots of different types of content and more than a smidgen of the real YOU. And if that one star review has hurt you, take a look at this must shorter post that I guarantee will put your smile firmly back on:

In Celebration of the One Star Review

Hopefully you will find something unique in here that will help and I can now use this link whenever someone asks me what I did to get those downloads.

Good luck everyone!

News Flash! I have a publisher at last!  The hard copy of ‘The New Mrs D’ is to be released by Fledgling Press in Edinburgh in the Spring. I’m so excited to be working with ‘Fledge’ as I now affectionately call them. Here’s hoping for a brighter, writer future 🙂

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This is a tribute to my elongated blog typos! 🙂

Real translation: Don’t be afraid to get your voice, your image, your work and your ‘YOU’ out there. Never worry that you are any way inferior. Go for it!

The Rollercoaster – 29,000 Downloads Later

Remember this scene from the 1980’s comedy film, Parenthood?

If you follow my progress you will know two significant things have happened to me lately:

1) I left my agent and found my novel, ‘The New Mrs Dunpublished with a loss of my sales rankings and
2) I held a three day free promotion last week in an attempt to push the book back in to the charts.

It worked.

Last week, 29,000 people downloaded ‘The New Mrs D‘ for free, giving me what I hope will turn out to be a substantial new readership. Hooray!

And many authors are asking me how it happened. So as always, I am only too happy to share as much as I know here.

Firstly, I went to www.fiverr.com and paid for three services at $5 a time. A promo video, an SEO expert to share my video link as many times as possible and a marketer to send details of my book promotion to forty websites.

I also successfully managed to secure a small advertisement with www.bookbub.com. Bookbub only accept something like 10-20% of submissions I believe and require that you have a certain amount of five star reviews. But I do credit this with the huge spike of downloads I achieved on the very first day.

I paid what was at the time, just over $30 to have The New Mrs D promo mailed out to a 210,000 strong mailing list of fans of chick lit. The prices have risen a little lately, but you can find them here.

What’s great is that although I didn’t have the funds to reach the 1,030,000+ subscribers of their women’s fiction list ($245) The New Mrs D reached the no1 best selling humour spot on both the Amazon UK and US free stores list for the entire length of the promotion. It’s highest ranking over ALL of the free store books was no4 in the UK and no7 in the US – beating many of the other BookBub promoted novels for those days who would have accessed the one million plus mailing lists. Not at all bad!

What I didn’t do was tweet my book link constantly or flash post to hundreds of Facebook pages. Some people may have done that for me through the Fiverr.com gigs, but not I. I simply do not believe it works. I did write a blog post and share it across my social channels and I did share the promotions progress over the three days. I also manually entered the book to around twenty free ebook promoting websites. And that is it, the sum total of my efforts.

As I type, The New Mrs D is no 20 in the best selling literary humour chart, just ten places behind Helen Fielding’s ‘Mad About The Boy’. Maybe it will stay, maybe not. Maybe it’s a post promotional lucky spike in sales that will tail off. Only time will tell.

But what a roller coaster! It’s thrilling and hard and scary and up, down, up, down and round and round. What a ride, this writerly life.

I like the roller coaster.

Back to book two!

Those lovely folks at Novelicious.com made me this.
Those lovely folks at Novelicious.com made me this.

Those lovely folks at Novelicious.com made me the quote opposite. Read my full interview on the site HERE

If you wish to know the specific details of services I used on Fiverr, please email me at hell4heather@gmail.com

I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have in the comments here also!

Laughing inappropriately and Other Guilty Confessions

Womens comedyI spied a Twitter profile today which said, ‘laughs inappropriately. Even at funerals.’

At first I was outraged… and then I remembered I have done this.

Before you click away from here, let me attempt to explain myself. You see, I was young, naïve and completely horrified when it happened.

My thirteen year old self and the boy next door, Ian, had befriended the lonely old lady that lived across the road from us. Her name was Betsy and Ian and I would go around outside of school hours helping her in little ways; going to the shops for her and tidying her garden.  (See? Nice, friendly, Girl Guide type here). So we were very sad after she died and jumped on a bus into town alone on the day of the funeral to pay our respects at the crematorium. We possibly took flowers to her from her own garden, but, then… we were thirteen.

On arrival we found the service already in full, erm, ‘swing’ and so  jumped into some seats right at the back before snivelling through the service, even joining in with a hymn. I remember one or two people looking back at us with quizzical expressions, no doubt wondering who the heck we were. Only to be expected; we’d never met any of Betsy’s relatives.

Then the minister got to saying something along the lines of this:

‘We have come together from different places and we are all at different stages on our journey through life. Our paths are varied and we look at life in different ways.’

We are nodding. I have tears in my eyes. Ian places one arm around my shoulder and passes me a tissue.

‘But there is one thing we all have in common…’

I look at Ian, my eyes saying, ‘it’s true, we do. We all loved Betsy.’ *sniff*

‘…at one point or another, our lives have touched the life of Margaret….’

That was when it happened – the inappropriate laughing thing. Not loud belly laughs you understand. More of a stifled guffaw as we realised with horror we were at the wrong funeral and dived out of the door before really letting it all out, to outraged stares from the undertakers who had been busy solemnly placing the funeral flowers on the pavement outside.

But it was nervous laughter. You see, we couldn’t hold it in. It was like trying to suppress a sneeze and I’m utterly convinced I’m going to hell for it. Dear reader, I swear, to this very day I feel awful whenever I think of it.

It was the guilty laugh; the embarrassed laugh. The ‘did that really just happen?’ laugh. It is what has happened to me many times over the years while stood in crowded lifts (for no reason at all), when people trip in front of me in the street, when the nurse about to take my son’s blood pressure bends down to get her notes, lets out an accidental fart and continued seriously on like it hasn’t happened. When the doctor examining my boy’s broken arm on the same day said, in very broken English, ‘we’ll have to take it off’. And yes, before realising he meant the plaster cast, not the arm. I was laughing because I thought the doctor was recommending amputation – but, to be fair, my son laughed too. It was a NERVOUS LAUGH. Honestly.

Shocker – this awful thing is hereditary.

Let me attempt to explain the phenomena that is the nervous laugh more clearly:

In my early twenties I worked as an auxiliary nurse and one morning myself and a colleague had been given the unenviable task of bed bathing a recently deceased lady on a low lit ward, in her bed, with the curtains pulled round as the other patients slept. The old lady had passed peacefully with her eyes closed, yet as we struggled to tug her nightie over her head for her wash, the neck of the garment caught on and lifted her eyelids. As we peered down to find her eyes now wide open, both of us jumped back, alarmed, before bursting into nervous laughter. The ward Sister had not been so amused.

‘What on earth is going on in here?’ She’d hissed, while poking her head in through the curtains, making us jump a second time.

I really am going to hell, aren’t I? But we were terrified. We thought the old lady was a) looking at us b) returned from the dead and c) going to need her nightie back on. I do like to think that she was somewhere on the sidelines watching us, having a last giggle at her joke at our expense, before heading to some more peaceful place than this.

However, I can’t help it. Whilst I have the utmost empathy in most sad, difficult or embarrassing situations, life has always seemed to hand me inopportune comedy gold. And yes, often the joke is on me. Check out what happened last time I ever went to the gym in this post: Who’s Laughing Now?Untitled

Only two weeks ago I was struggling to open the lift in Edinburgh Premier Inn, which only worked if you put in your room key card, when I turned to the stranger beside me and complained:

‘God, I miss real keys. I hate these things.’

He then proceeded to show me how to work it properly before very seriously explaining to me that he was the person who had installed the entire system at the hotel.

Me: *Snorts*
Because of course, he was joking.

Him (still straight-faced): ‘No, it’s true. I work for the company that invented them.’

Most people would apologise or at least have the decency to look mortified. I found myself stifling inappropriate laughter all the way to the fifth floor, which was where I jumped out – glad to be free – and found him following me. He was getting out at the same floor and had to point out the direction of my room for me.

If there is a special kind of hell for people with inappropriate laughing disease, I have a one-way, first class ticket.

For my new novel (she adds in seamlessly), I’ve been studying the Pseudobulbar Affect, which is a neurological disorder involving unpredictable and uncontrollable emotional displays of, among other things, inappropriate laughing. So I may get back to you sometime in the future with the kind of personal diagnosis that will explain everything. Or, I may have been tied in to a strait jacket with locks built by the man from ComparetheKeycard.com

Finally, and I’m aware you might not want to do this now given my confessions of previous, seemingly callous behaviour, I must tell you that The New Mrs D is available to download FREE for three days from tomorrow – 3rd to the 5th of December. I’m giving it away as penance for evil acts. I do hope you will download it… and laugh appropriately.

Here’s a short video all about it.

Note: Names have been changed to protect identities. Except mine. Yours truly, Sharon Osbourne.

Interview With Sci-Fi Author Dylan Hearn

61Pci4908gL._UX250_I had a little chat yesterday with an indie author pal whose book I recently read, Dylan Hearn, who is having a free promotion right now for his sci-fi thriller, Second Chance as well as celebrating publication day for his second book, Absent Souls. Science fiction is not my usual read of choice, but I picked Second Chance up to read a while back and have to say, what a ride! I am converted and can’t wait to read the new one.
Dylan is from a wonderful, quite rare group and incredibly busy group – an author that offers a lot of his time to give back to the writer community. He has a wonderfully helpful blog on WordPress too, called Suffolk Scribblings and it has been a fantastic resource for me as a fairly new writer. I am very grateful to him.
So, as I bent Dylan’s ear for some advice on running free promotions right slap bang in the middle of his busiest week to date, I thought I’d interview him here, whilst BESEECHING you to download this truly fantastic book. Please give a very worthy indie author, who has been so generous of his time and supportive to other indies, your support – and download his completely FREE novel on the links below:
And now, to our interview! Clue to help you – everything in bold is me. It’s MY blog after all. 😉 51V6ZrL0YYL._UY250_
What’s your elevator pitch for Second Chance?
It’s like the TV series The Killing, but with a bit of big brother and some cloning thrown in.
Ah, does that mean it’s science fiction?
It’s set in the near future so technically, yes, but really it’s a psychological thriller. I’ve had a lot of people write reviews that start ‘I don’t usually read science fiction but…’ and go on to say how much they enjoyed it.
It’s not a comedy then?
Not really – unless you have a very warped sense of humour. It’s quite dark in places, similar to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in tone.
What’s the set up?
A Investigator, a politician and her ex-lover become linked by the case of a missing student. But as they start digging around to find out what happened, they unearth secrets long hidden that will change their view on the world they live in.
One of your leads is a female politician. What was it like being a man writing a female character?
I didn’t write Stephanie with her gender in mind. Too often writers concentrate on the differences between the sexes leading to wooden or caricatured characters, but in large parts men and women are the same. I chose Stephanie to be a woman because I wanted somebody strong and the strongest people I know are women.
Hell Yes! Agreed we need to see more strong, independent female characters. So, you do touch on some very sensitive subjects. How did you approach those?
Not lightly. I was incredibly careful when writing those scenes to ensure I got them right. I did a lot of research beforehand and then relied heavily on my beta readers, who are all women, to make sure I didn’t make them voyeuristic. I also relied a lot on hints and intimation, rather than graphic portrayal. Even so, the scenes were difficult to write because I was writing from the victim’s point of view and had to live through what happened to them. I wasn’t the easiest person to be around for a few days.
You also like to make your readers think while reading the book.
Yes. I love books which drop you into a situation and you gradually work out what’s going on as the story progresses.
Are you always this serious?
Not at all. I’m laughing and joking most of the time. I spend some of my week looking after my youngest son, so I’m usually playing in a make believe band with him. He’s only three but he loves rock music. His favourite is Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana, which he calls the potato song, because he thinks the chorus goes “with the lights out, it’s potatoes, here we are now, with potatoes.”
What do you plan to do next?
Well the follow up to Second Chance, Absent Souls, is released today. I’m really excited because we get to continue the journey with some of the characters but bringing in a few new ones too.

About Second Chance

One crime, four people and a secret that could shake the world to its foundations.

Four lives become linked by a student’s disappearance: a politician looking to put integrity back into politics, an investigator hoping to atone for past mistakes, a data cleanser searching for a better life while haunted by his past and a re-life technician creating new lives for old souls.

But it soon becomes clear this is no ordinary case, and in the pursuit of the truth, long-held secrets risk being revealed.

Set in the near future where everybody is connected and death isn’t final, this is the story of how far those in power will go to retain control, and the true price to pay for a Second Chance.

Praise for Second Chance

“Political intrigue, neuroscience, a missing-persons investigation – this well-written novel has it all.” – Carrie Rubin, author of The Seneca Scourge

“a highly entertaining and thought-provoking first novel” – Vaughn Stanger, author of Moondust Memories

“As plot twists were revealed, I found it hard to put down and read the last third in one sitting.” – Katrina Montfort, author of Future Perfect

“Overall I enjoyed this novel greatly. I recommend it to readers looking for an engaging science-fiction or political thriller.” – Dave Higgins, Davetopia Blog and author of Greenstar Season 1

“This is a slick, well written book with a strong storyline and plenty of narrative tension.” – Sarah J Higby – Brainfluff blog

Update From a Slightly Less Terrified Author

For those that have been following my progress, I have news. About a month ago I left my agent – a most amicable parting – and decided to go it alone again. I won’t go into my reasons here, but will just say that there were other avenues for me to explore and as she was in the progress of moving to another company, I decided not to go too. My agent was – and still is – a very lovely, hard-working lady who was very much on my side. I have much to thank her for.

However, many and varied things have happened since which I’d like to share with you.

There was a tiny mention on BBC Radio4’s Women’s Hour Listener Week program this week, when Jane Garvey and Dr Paula Hall were discussing porn addiction in relationships.

A TV producer, having read and enjoyed the book, is now pitching it to TV and film companies. This could be phenomenal, but feet firmly on the ground with this one… I’ll keep you updated.

The wonderful folk at Novelicious  interviewed me on their website HERE.

I met with a small press publisher in Edinburgh, with a view to taking my current work in progress. This was a very positive meeting, with a lovely lady in a fabulous cake shop. (Priorities firmly intact as always). Now I just need to finish the book. Again, I will keep you posted!

And another, less pleasing thing – the loss of my sales rankings and Amazon Best Sellers chart position.

Publication of The New Mrs D was agent-assisted under Amazon KDP’s White Glove Program. For those who don’t know what this is, it is a self publication platform only available to agented authors. Your book is promoted on three Amazon pages in rotation with other White Glove Program books for a period of thirty days. In return, Amazon KDP requires a 6-month or a 12-month period of exclusivity. Some authors see a spike in sales during that 30-day period, while others see little, if any, difference.  In order to benefit from this 30 days of promotion, you must sign 15% of your royalties away to your agent. I decided to give it a go.

The New Mrs D hit the UK humour best-sellers list within a day of becoming available for pre-sale. And not long afterwards, it was chosen for a Kindle Daily Deal promotion on the Australian Amazon site. For one day only it appeared on the Kindle Daily Deal home page and subsequently sold 857 copies in that day, rocketing it to no1 bestseller over all.No 1 in OZ

Following this one day deal, it remained in the 100 best selling humour list, outselling greats like Helen Fielding, Graeme Stimsion and Sophie Kinsella, for three months.  This afforded me a steady income, good enough to fund more advertising, giveaways and keep me writing. So when my agent and I parted ways, I asked what would happen to my eBook rights, currently held by her previous agency, if I took them back. The answer was ‘nothing, it’s fine. They have agreed to transfer the rights to you and you won’t lose any of your reviews or sales rankings.’ ‘Happy days,’ said I. ‘Let’s do it.’
For two whole weeks I continued to plug my book, putting links in everything I wrote and even began planning a few free days on KDP. I contacted over 40 free ebook websites telling them of the dates of my promotion. Then, I tried to see my sales reports, which were originally held by the agency so I could only see them if I asked for them. Assuming they were now moved to me, I had a peek and found: NOTHING. Not one sale. Despite my novel appearing to still sitting comfortably in the Amazon Australia Humour Top 100.

I contacted Amazon, who then pointed out that I now in fact had TWO ebooks on there. The original one, still with my old agency, and a newly published one which was the one I was looking at that had no sales. I wasn’t seeing sales reports because the original sales were still going to the agency. The one I had was only visible to me. I hadn’t noticed the new ASIN number.

I contacted my ex-agent agent, who came back to me the very next day to say it was all sorted out now and very sorry for the confusion. The rights were now mine. I still had my reviews and sales rankings. Brilliant! Except… I didn’t.

The agency unpublished the original eBook (without telling me or my agent) and it crashed out of the charts, leaving me with a newly published copy that couldn’t be seen or found by anyone. I’d gone from making a modest income, which in truth was like oxygen to us, to none – at the click of a button. I telephoned the agency, naturally, to be told, ‘we’re very sorry. It can’t be undone.’

At this point I should point out that when entering the White Glove agreement, I was well informed that taking my eBook rights back could result in the loss of my sales rankings. But, I had said that if it meant losing rankings I was happy to leave the eBook with them if they were fine with that. I was advised that I could move it and nothing would be lost.

It was.

And so, here I am again, trying to hit the ground running and finding all the links to my book on the world wide web in order to have them changed. This was a learning curve; and one I’m happy to share with you so you don’t fall down a similar pit on your publication journey.

Anyway, as I always say: ONWARDS!

And so I am asking for your help. In order to try and get The New Mrs D back into some form of visibility, I am having TWO KDP FREE DAYS next week. You can download the eBook from 3rd – 5th December absolutely FREE. Please, please do.

Check out my video below, which was made for just $5 by a design artist I found on www.fiverr.com. Another great, promotional tip for you 😉

Thanks to everyone for your messages of support, for downloading and for the reviews I am so grateful for have been able to keep. Nothing ever comes easily, otherwise it wouldn’t be worth having.

Book Distribution Fun and Frolics.

lawfully weddedThose of you who read my Publication Update From a Terrified Author will be familiar with my journey to publication. If you didn’t, go there now. It’s okay, we’ll wait.

*Taps fingers*

*Answers the call of last night’s left over chocolate cake in the fridge*

Up to speed? Great!

So to update you some more: last week, several times as it happens, I published the paperback of The New Mrs D. I say several times, as with each proof review I spotted much needed formatting tweaks and kept taking it back down, which rather spoiled the all-singing, all-dancing publication fanfare approach I was going for. Lesson for today: buy an actual copy your own book and then wait for it to arrive before you try to sell it to others.

Me: ‘Hurray! It’s my publication day!’

Me one hour later: ‘Ooh, wait a minute there. The front cover has slipped slightly over to the back. Hold everything…’

Me twenty four hours later: ‘Hurray! It’s my publication day!’

Me another twenty four hours later: ‘What? Why? All the chapters are on the left hand page. Amazon said they were on the right facing page. Oh wait, right facing means the left page. Right. Hold everything…’

Me twenty four hours later: ‘Hurray! It’s my publication day!’

Message from reader of eBook that night: ‘Did you notice the missing apostrophe on page ninety-seven?’

It’s not coming down again because by now, quite frankly, I’m drunk. Which doesn’t help me when various people from Australia, where the eBook is still riding in the top ten humour bestsellers list after six weeks, start asking why they can’t buy it in the shops over there. The short answer is that expanded distribution takes – drumroll please – another six weeks. Expanded distribution being the means by which bookshops can find and purchase The New Mrs D wholesale.

Something tells me Tolkien never had these problems.

Anyway, book marketing marvel that I am,  you can always run along to my Goodreads giveaway page and try to win one of ten signed copies if you like, which I will then lovingly post to you with an added cheesy joke to prove it is me. Something like, ‘a body with its bum missing has washed up in the Thames. It’s the worst case of arsenic I’ve ever seen.’ This way you will absolutely KNOW what you’re in for when you read the novel.

You can enter the Goodreads giveaway here:

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The New Mrs D by Heather  Hill

The New Mrs D

by Heather Hill

Giveaway ends October 31, 2014.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Anyway, off to write another book. Sincerest apologies to those one star reviewers… Speaking of which, the lovely Dylan Hearn wrote an excellent blog this week which it is my great pleasure to link back to. It is loaded with fantastic, writerly advice and I urge you to read it:

THE TEN MOST VALUABLE WRITING TIPS I’VE RECEIVED

Standing On My Tiptoes

Today is another day on the emotional roller-coaster known as ‘trying to succeed as a writer,’ because this arrived:

In truth, I had a little cry, thought of my long passed father and looked up to the heavens to say, ‘I did it dad.’

I didn’t sell a million copies, win a book deal or become a famous author; I just made a book I could hold in my hand at last, after a long time of thinking I might never see it in print. And the first thing I wanted to do was tell my dad. The message might well have missed him, because I’m not sure he is flying about up in the sky to be honest, but he’ll understand the sentiment.

So here it is and I’m sad I had to do it myself, but I wrote a book and I got it printed. Now I don’t have to go through life wondering, ‘what if I’d tried?’

At five foot nothing, I have spent many hours standing in crowds on my tiptoes to be able to see and have people see me. To me, self publication feels like that. So, in some ways, I’m experienced.

The New Mrs D is available as an eBook on Amazon and will be available on paperback this week. I hope you will look up to see little me.

Many, many times I have said this but I shall take this opportunity to say it again:

If to see your own work in print feels like something that’s only in your dreams, all you have to do is open your eyes and get to work. You may only sell one copy (to your sister) or a hundred copies (to yourself) and then have to store them in the garage. But you will never again have to wonder, ‘what if I’d tried?’

Do it X

From the brilliant, indie published poet Erin Hansen
From the brilliant, indie published poet Erin Hansen

In Celebration of the One Star Book Review

In the spirit of sharing my writer experience and journey with you, today I got my very first one star review for The New Mrs D – in Australia where its promotion at $0.99 has just begun. Here is the review in all its glory. I am now author-initiated.

Mrs D

At the same time, I discovered The New Mrs D has gone to no 2 in  No 1 in OZthe Amazon 100 Best Sellers Humour chart, no 2 in the Women’s Fiction Best Sellers chart and is currently – as I type – the Best Selling Kindle eBook on the entire Australia site.

I was expecting a mixed bag of reviews. Comedy is so subjective, therefore I am surprised to have had the luxury of going for two whole months without a one star review. I have held my breath before opening each new addition, waiting for the worst; the slap in the face. But now it has landed, I can confirm that to me it feels no worse than all of the publisher rejections The New Mrs D received. I feel pretty okay to be honest. And of course, am fully aware there will be loads more to come in my career.

Yet for today, on Amazon Australia at least, my book is outselling ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’. I understand the Australian site is quite new and small at the moment, but this still feels like a lovely and significant achievement. There is nothing to do but remind yourself of one important thing: the rejections and the bad reviews are just people’s opinions. If they were all bad, then perhaps I would rethink this new commitment to writing. Happily, they are not.

So to new writers, established writers and aspiring writers I say this: You HAVE to concentrate on the positive to keep going. I love to write and I don’t intend to let anyone discourage me. I do think it is important to look at the negative comments as learning tools and search for common aspects in order to inform future works. All I wished to achieve was to make a living, pay the bills and have room to breathe by doing that which I love and I intend to just keep plugging away at it. A terrific writer who is far more experienced than I – author of ‘The Humans’ Matt Haig – put it so well on his Facebook page today:

matt haig

The love of writing and being able to put that work out into the world to be read in itself is intoxicating. I’m 43 and at last and for the first time ever, I love what I am doing. I think it takes a lot to put your creation – your heart – out into the world, particularly knowing you are open to public criticism. Take heart. I did a quick scout of some of my all time favourite books on Amazon, to see what their one star reviews were like. Turns out, these books are all boring too 😉

Let’s have a one star review party!

Mary Shelley's Frankenstein
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
great expectations
Great Expectations – by the great ‘Charles Darwin’ 😉
Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert - a book I unashamedly ADORED
Eat, Pray, love by Elizabeth Gilbert – destroying civilisation as we know it according to Voldermort.
One of my favourite reads of last year - 'Life After Life' by Kate Atkinson
One of my favourite reads of last year – ‘Life After Life’ by Kate Atkinson What is this? First she has a life, then another life?!? This is NOT as advertised.
jingl;e
Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling – Rubbish! I’m so angry I leaned on my keyboard! Go away, thank you.
pride and p
Damn you Amazon! I came here to buy a horse head mask and accidentally bought a Jane Austen Classic! Clearly deserving of one star and, if Jane is reading this, ‘can I exchange please?’

save